and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
