Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
