True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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