I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
