My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
