the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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