So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Enjoy the penises
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
