So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
