that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
