the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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