she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
