I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
