I think I died a long time ago.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
