3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
