Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
