You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
