Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
