dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
two words: eviction party
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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