Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
