obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
