I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
