Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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