I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
