my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
