so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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