I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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