What did we do last night that was yellow?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
