Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
