Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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