They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
