My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
