I have demons in me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
