i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
