I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize