K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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