If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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