i'm signing you up for texting rehab
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize