How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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