Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
