I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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