we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
