I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
