Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
