I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
this hospital has no fireball
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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