Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
