A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
