i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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