covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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