3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
