walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
