That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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