Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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