It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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