Yo dont text me then not text me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
