Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
