You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my phone needs a breathalizer
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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