I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
