You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
