porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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