I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
