'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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