this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
