i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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