Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
