I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
