Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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