i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
