I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
