Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
