hell yes lets make some ravioli
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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