Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
