At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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