holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
