i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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